Some Changes and New Things#
There have been fewer activities in the open-source community this year, as can be seen from the contribution graph on my GitHub.
It used to be all green, or at least light green, but this year only August to October was relatively active. This happened to be the period when I started tinkering with my blog again. I did some secondary development on the Ringo theme, which led to the creation of the Matcha theme that I am currently using. After that, I have been updating it intermittently and I am glad to have received a lot of love from friends. However, apart from creating one or two small plugins during the same period, I have hardly had any activity on GitHub.
Oh, by the way, I also created a small PWA[^Progressive Web App] called the "Wonderful Inspiration Generator" at the end of the year - 怪奇灵感生成器. Its function is to randomly generate a strange word, such as "crystal parasitic hotel," "spherical erotica," "crimson despair," or "the other side's collapse," to inspire weird but interesting ideas. Although I didn't promote this app and only made it for myself to play with, it has indeed received some love from friends. Especially after I published an article called "The God Mixer," which was generated using the Wonderful Inspiration Generator[^The names of the items recorded in this article were generated using the Wonderful Inspiration Generator], it caused a small sensation in the Backrooms group chat.
For me, the biggest thing this year is that I finally started doing what I have always wanted to do - writing stories.
I have published two novels on my blog this year. They are both themed around "strange tales" and, rather than developing characters, they lean more towards conveying a specific idea.
In addition to the creations on my blog, in October of this year, I joined the Backrooms Chinese Wiki as an original author and created my own author page. So far, I have written a total of 13 original articles, translated 4 articles from Chinese to English, and made many friends.[^Oh, that's why I've been updating less frequently recently]
Speaking of which, looking at the archive page of my blog, I only posted one article in the first half of this year, in February, and it wasn't until August that I started updating more regularly. This was largely due to my busy academic schedule. However, in the second half of the year, I suddenly realized that I should truly treat my blog as a free space to express my thoughts, and it has become a sanctuary for me in this noisy world.
In addition to my blog as a medium for recording, I also picked up a habit from a year or two ago at the end of October this year - "journaling." However, it's more accurate to say that it's something I force myself to do continuously. It started as a way to record some trivial, private, and off-the-record thoughts and daily life, but later it turned into a collage book. Nevertheless, it looks pretty good, and collaging is really relaxing.
According to Steam's annual report, most of my time was spent playing "Don't Starve Together," with over 650 hours of gameplay. Indeed, this game has accompanied me for a long time. I still remember the days in middle school when I downloaded pirated versions online and played with my cousin. But now... I can hardly find anyone to play with me. In the first half of the year, I also spent a lot of time playing Minecraft. In May, I rented a server with 酚酞 for two months, but then he went to Japan, so we couldn't play anymore. Additionally, I played on the server of MaxKim, a former popular MC builder, for a long time. I played from the second season to the third season, and my build in the second season even appeared in one of his videos. However, I quit halfway through the third season, and later, other people also quit. The community I founded[^called "Mole Manor," and we even have a statue of Molelele (laughs)] became an empty city, which is a regret. However, during my time on MaxKim's server, I also met a friend named OnceKing. After learning that he also played "Don't Starve Together," we played together for a while, but it didn't last long.
In November, I finally established a LGBTQ+ community that I had organized two years ago, called Clovet, which stands for "Love in the Closet." I promoted it on Twitter[^but it seems that most of the people who came were MtF (?)], but apart from occasional posts in the first month of its establishment, the community has been mostly silent. On the one hand, I didn't have the energy to promote it, and on the other hand, I gradually realized that this kind of community, which aims to help confused LGBTQ+ individuals and educate those who are unfamiliar with the LGBTQ+ community, may have good intentions but may not attract the intended audience to visit such a website.
That's probably my recollection of myself in 2022. It's strange that most of the things I can remember happened in the second half of the year. I don't know if it's because I was bored in the first half of the year or if it's because many things from the past have been forgotten.
New Friends and Special People#
Under the article "The Primitive Manipulation of Human Sexuality," I received a very serious reply, which led me to meet ONO and his super cool blog - 莫比乌斯. Although we have a generation gap in life experiences, I rarely find a friend whose views align with mine and who also enjoys writing novels.
In November, I was pleasantly surprised to receive an interview invitation from a freelance journalist named Encore. During the interview, we talked a lot, and after learning that she is also an INFP, we discovered many similarities between ourselves. She has been working hard for love, maintaining her WeChat public account, and her persistence and courage have left a deep impression on me. I hope she will encounter more wonderful things in the new year.
In the Backrooms Chinese Wiki, I have met many people. There is Be the Worthy, who has given me recognition and suggestions for my works[^seems to change pseudonyms frequently, previously known as Dancing Rain and Sorel]. There is Liurd, who has helped me with Wikidot code and played text-based games with me[^https://liurdrooms.wikidot.com/]. There is Zhiruijun, who collaborates with me in creating the original group E.B.A. And there are all the people who have helped me in the Backrooms Chinese community.
There is also OnceKing, who has played games with me and passed the time together. I thank him for not minding my occasional incompetence.
This year, I also experienced an insignificant crush (the article "Fruit Knife and Sunflower" was written for him). After completely giving up on him, I realized the reality and learned a lesson - some people are not worth liking; it's just that your brain has put too many filters on them. But even if I don't have a love interest, I can't find a partner.
I hope to meet new people in 2023 and inspire more stories.
Views on Others and Myself#
As an INFP[^one of the 16 MBTI personality types, the Mediator], I always care too much about what others think of me. This year, I was mocked by a group of people in the comments section of a video on Bilibili (there was even a meaningless but attitude-filled reply with 🤣👉), and it lasted for several days. However, I remained unaffected internally and did not respond.
Because I know how much those people have failed =)
A male friend shared in our group chat about accidentally entering the women's restroom, and as a result, he received some "greetings" from people outside the chat. He then cursed at the people in the group chat, recording a nearly one-minute voice message and using all the malicious language he could think of to vent his anger.
As for me, I happened to mention this incident while having a meal with someone else, and I felt a lingering fear, so I apologized to the group chat.
But his tantrum didn't end there. He continued to output his powerless words in the group chat and got into an argument with another friend who couldn't stand it. This friend mentioned that his family member almost died unexpectedly, and his reply of "too bad" angered the other person. Seeing that his anger couldn't overpower the other person's rage, he quickly explained that he was "emotionally excited" and asked the other person not to mind. However, the other person didn't buy it, and he contradicted himself by saying, "I didn't mean that in the first place; I was talking about something else being 'too bad'."
Seeing this farce, I started to mentally struggle, but soon I realized: it's not my fault.
First of all, I have already apologized. Secondly, before this friend started cursing, he said, "It seems that the people in this group have never been insulted before[^a Chongqing dialect, meaning "to be scolded or humiliated"]. This made me understand that he was trying to solve the problem with his anger. For me, this is a sign of his incompetence. Anger cannot solve any problems; it can only suppress them by exploiting the fear of some people. And the reason why some people like to "solve" problems with anger is that, for them, it is the simplest way, and it also helps maintain their dominant position. This is the absolute dominance that most men possess to be at ease in the world. Finally, he believed that he didn't need to take responsibility for his words just because he was "emotionally excited," just like the ridiculous notion that many people agree with - "what you say when you're drunk doesn't count" - no, in any situation, a person should take full responsibility for their actions and words.
After thinking rationally, I realized that I did nothing wrong, and even if I did, I tried to resolve the issue as soon as possible[^such as saying "I'm sorry"]. The remaining arguments and troubles are theirs, not mine.
I am no longer the pitiful person who always finds faults in myself, and I am grateful for that.
Messages for Myself in the Coming Year#
I know myself, and this time next year, I will definitely come across this page and see how I wrote my annual summary this year because I can't help but look for references to write an article that requires organization and formatting.[^Maybe in 2023, I can overcome this?] So, I have decided to follow the example of 莫比乌斯's year-end summary and leave a few questions for myself next year.
- You always feel unworthy of love. Can you talk about the lovely qualities you possess?
- Do you still believe that humans should break free from all constraints and show their true selves? For example, you used to think that "阳物中心主义" should be translated as "鸡巴崇拜主义" because you believed that humans create such so-called "formality" only to cover up. The more sacred the name, the more filthy the actions it conceals[^quoted from Bai Luojia, also known as Phenol Phthalein, on Twitter].
- How do you view the recognition of others? Is it more important than achieving self-worth?
- What kind of creation do you consider to be good? Does it have to be profound?
So, here's a belated New Year's wish: 2023 will be better!